That means I can pretty much start over, right? Right!  :)


Okay, well, I went to the doctor because I've been sick (I've had cold-like symptoms and digestion issues and just feeling like crap and utterly run down for at least a month)  and it hasn't gone away or gotten better.  So, I decided to make a trip to the doctor and see if there's something going on.  I got blood work done, and the test came back, well there was nothing too serious going on.  My sugars are high and I am at risk of getting Diabetes if I don't change the way I'm eating and I need to loose the extra weight.  It looks like I do have Major Depression and that can make you sick as well.  Also, the hours I've been keeping (I have to be at work at 6am Mon-Fri, and I'm not a morning person in any sense of the word, and then after work, most of the time, I've had to watch the kids.  So, they've been really long days.) are not healthy and I need to make some changes there, as well.  I don't eat right and I don't take care of myself and I'm depressed and I've been stressing out about money and having to watch the kids and everything else that's been going on, so, I guess that would be why I haven't been feeling good. 

What I got form all of this is I really need to make some lifestyle changes.  I need to loose the weight, I have about 60lbs. to loose.  I need to eat healthier, I need to stop drinking sodas and eating junk food.  I need to start exercising.  I'm looking for another job, with normal hours and hopefully more pay.  I've been struggling to pay my bills and that's been really stressful.  And with all the stuff that's been going on the past couple of months I've been really depressed.  So, I need to stop stressing out and find a way to cope with my depression.  I had a major episode of depression that lasted at least 2 years, where I hide myself from the rest of the world and I lost 2 yrs of my life and I don't want to go through that again.  I think that depression is something that I'm going to have to live with and I have to make the best of my life, mental illness or not.  I have 2 choices, either let depression consume me and be miserable for the rest of my life or learn how to deal with it and be happy.  I think I'll go with number 2.

It goes without saying that my New Year's resolution is to get healthy, in every way.  Physically, I need to loose weight and eat better.  Mentally and emotionally, I'm going to get counseling, I know it will help just to be able to talk to someone.  I'm going to try and look at things in a more positive way instead of looking at everything that I don't have and everything that's wrong, I'm going to look at the things I do have and what's going right in my life.  And I need to stop putting myself down, I'm really not that bad.  And I need to stop dwelling on all the mistakes I've made, I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes but at least I can say I've learned from them.  And I need to do these things, so that I can have a better life. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.  I wish you all the happiness and success.  Here's to 2008 being a great year.  *raises glass*